Jellicle Merton
by OtonielFernandez
Summary: This is my attempt at humor. Let me know how I do. Its a CATS/BWOC Cross over (sorta) :P


A/N I couldn't help this, I am so sorry for the trauma that it may cause, but after seeing the Phantom Episode and Merton's "Omage" there was no way I couldn't do this.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything big wolf or anything CATS, so there!  
  
Notes: This is meant to be horrible and bad, but silly, keep that in mind. Also, the adaptations I am making are all from the CATS DVD, I've never seen the live version so "Growltigers Last Stand" wont be in this series. I suggest you rent the video and watch it to fully understand the humor in this story; I won't be taking too much time to describe the dancing.  
  
  
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Jellicle Merton  
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Merton was spending a quiet evening at home. He wanted to take a break from the fighting and went to an online Witchcraft forum to see what nifty spells were available. He came across many duds, and many impossible spells to perform so he went back to the Forums homepage and looked at the list in case there were other interesting forums to read up on.  
  
One heading caught his eye. The forum was titled, Spells to make your fantasies come true. He clicked on the forum, but it appeared to be a rather unpopular forum, there was only one message thread entitled "Live your TV Fantasies". Right away, Merton thought about Sarah Michelle Geller and Buffy. His eyes lit up and a mischievous grin broke across his face.  
  
The spell was easy to perform. All he needed to do was light a few candles around his TV and put the video or DVD and chant the incantation "Mis Fantasias las voy a vivir, con todo mi cuerpo las voy a sentir." Earlier in the week he had recorded a Buffy episode, and so he was ready to go, lighting a few additional candles, he stood in front of his TV and prepared himself.   
  
Merton: Mis fantasias las voy a vivir, con todo mi cuerpo las voy a sentir."  
  
Merton felt a strong pull and his world was upside down. He grinned as he landed in a very dark alley. He was excited to take part in the Buffy world, and expected her to come around the corner any minute. Suddenly there was a bright flash of headlights, and as Merton looked back he saw a woman crouched down near some garbage cans and a huge tire. Merton could not believe her makeup, it was wild. His grin broadened, thinking this was most likely an enemy of Buffy and that she must be showing up soon.  
  
Merton decided to hide and wait to see when Buffy would show up, but for some reason, he reached the edge of the alley, he bumped really hard into thin air. There seemed to be a barrier that prevented him fro moving on. While he was pondering this, a few shrill notes rang in the air.  
  
Merton was caught off guard and whirled around to see where the music (oddly familiar) was coming from. On the other end of the alley, a dark figure appeared. Merton wanted to hide, but his options were no limited that he couldn't decide fast enough and just cowered waiting for the figure to attack.  
  
The figure slinked on the floor, and to Merton's utter surprise, the figure got up and looked arou8nd and began to sing.  
  
Figure: Are you blind when you're Born?  
  
Merton was abashed and thought that the figure was talking to him, panic flooding his body.  
  
Merton: Well, aren't all babies?  
  
Another voice sang from somewhere behind him. He looked at the beautiful woman he has seen earlier.  
  
Woman: Can you see in the dark?  
  
Merton thought that this was an odd question, but somehow it seemed like he had heard them before. He looked at the woman.  
  
Merton: No not really, I don't much like the dark.  
  
Two more voices answered him. Merton turned quickly and glimpsed two figures. He suddenly had the feeling that he was being surrounded, adding to his panic.  
  
Voice 1: Dare you look at your king?  
Voice 2: Would you sit on his throne?  
  
Merton was confused about what they meant, but he figured that it would be foolish to feign stupid.  
  
Merton: Umm, where I come from, there are no kings.  
  
The figures quickly looked at him, a hint of annoyance crossing their faces, but they were plunged into darkness again. Merton knew this was not Buffy, but then where was he?  
  
Voice: Can you say of your bite that is worse than your bark?  
  
Merton's eyes averted to this new figure that was hanging from a pole.  
  
Merton: That would be more Tommy's department, sorry.  
  
Suddenly a look of understanding came on his face. He had been watching CATS last, so he mush be in the CATS world. He laughed out loud much to the annoyance of the many figures around him, but they went on.  
  
Alonzo: Are you cock of the walk?  
Young Grizzabella: When you're walking alone?  
  
Merton got into the spirit of things and joined the felines on their dance and song.  
  
All: Because Jellicles can and jellicles do, jellicles can and would...  
  
Merton happily pranced around the stage, trying to mimic the movements that the others CATS were pulling off, but looking more like a goof than anything else. Many of the figures attempted to stay out of his way, but found themselves stumbled over a few times by Merton.  
Though they swiped at him in cat fashion, nothing more came of this and the performance went on.  
  
Jellylorum: When you fall on your head, do you land on your feet?  
  
Merton: Not likely sister, I fall on my head I crack it.  
  
If looks could kill, Merton would have dropped dead right there at the look that Jelly gave him, but he didnt notice it and quickly bounced around the stage.  
  
Coricopat: Are you tense when you sense there's a storm in the air?  
  
Merton: Not usually, I love storms.  
  
a faint growling had begun, Merton was unaware of it though.  
  
Jemima: Can you find you way blind when you walk down the street?  
  
Merton made a horrible pantomime of a blind person and bumped against a nearby pole, sending a few of the dancers scrambling away, grumbling with annoyance.  
  
Deutoronomy: Do you know how to go to the heavy side lair?  
  
Merton: Nope, but you sure do.  
  
There was an awful sound of a record scratching and Merton found himself surrounded by all the performers. They were looking at him in such a way that Merton felt like he should be running down the alleys screaming.  
  
A gray, black and white striped figure came forward and looked down at Merton.  
  
Munkustrap: That's it, I've had it you little creep. What's the big idea?  
  
They were closing in on Merton and he dutifully backed away slowly, He didn't think things would turn like this.  
  
Merton: I was just having some fun is all.  
  
The figures around him growled an answer and moved in a smidge faster.  
  
Merton: So...You are all people dancing in cat suits...heh heh...what's that like?  
  
Munkustrap moved in, performing a very graceful step and pushed Merton back into a sewer pipe that was a prop for the stage.  
  
Merton felt an awful vertigo and once the bumpy ride was over he was back at the lair. He looked around to see if there was any trace of the cats, but he was back home. The TV had been going and CATS was playing as if he had never been there at all.  
  
Merton went over to the VCR and clicked off CATS. He chuckled and turned away.  
  
Merton: Touchy actors.  
  
There was a sudden his behind him and Merton screamed and ran towards his bed. Once he was safe, he looked towards the TV, but it was still off.  
  
  
  
A/N Remember, this was supposed to be silly heh heh. R&R please. 


End file.
